Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Taylor Swift over the phone, just like Joe Jonas!

Our New Jennifer Aniston gets treated like crap by men too! According to Us Weekly (via LaineyGossip), Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Taylor Swift just before New Year’s… over the phone. JUST LIKE JOE JONAS. Is this the only thing Joe Jonas and Jake Gyllenhaal have in common? Discuss.

How Jakey dumped Swifty. It was over the phone. Just before New Year’s. I hope it was more than 27 seconds. That’s apparently how long it took for Joe Jonas to end things with her. On the phone too.

These are the details presented to us about the Jakey-Swifty break-up in the new issue of Us Weekly, with Taylor’s heartbreak on the cover. It’s a top seller. And pretty soon, she’ll have more than John Mayer in common with Jennifer Aniston.

Jennifer, however, is much more experienced. And besides, Jennifer really isn’t looking for love. If only Jennifer could admit to the fact that she’s in it for a good f-ck. If only.

Taylor on the other hand at 21 is in love with love. So when Jakey pursued her, going through their agents to arrange a hook-up, of course it was like stars and rainbows. Jake of course has dimples and is delightful and hot. So it’s easy to blame her for being a dumbass.

But then again, he invited her to spent time with his family on Thanksgiving. She held hands with his niece. So… I don’t know… if I were analysing that over the phone and tears with a girlfriend post-split, that would have confounded me too. But if he wasn’t into me, why would he ask me to spend the holiday with him?

You’ve had those conversations, right? You’ve picked apart everything he said? And now?

Us Weekly says now Swifty isn’t eating. She’s also supposedly working out like mad, to bury the pain, I guess, which will eventually transform itself into lyrical inspiration. Jake meanwhile is having dinner with buxom blondes. Because a player never stops playing.

[From LaineyGossip]

Lainey is too kind to Jake. But yeah, I’ve been wondering that too – who comes out of the Jake-Swifty debacle looking worse? Is it Swifty because she’s such an immature little thing, and if she hadn’t gushed so much to everyone about Jake being the apple-picking, coffee-swirling love of her life, maybe he wouldn’t have bailed? Does Swifty look bad because people are now calling her “The New Aniston”? Or does Jake look bad because he dumped Swifty so quickly and so douchily? Does it make him look gay? Or, gayer? Personally, I think Jake looks worse coming out of it. Swifty is a child. We know that. Jake knew that, and he dated her anyway. And he looks like either: A) An older dude who likes much younger women who act like little girls or B) A gay dude who manipulated a young girl into a PR relationship, and who dumped her when the charade didn’t fool anyone.

Oh, Swifty’s Jake Song is going to be EPIC.

Us Weekly cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional pics courtesy of WENN.